2014년 12월 5일 금요일

Final Draft

We live on information-originated society. Can you make a rough estimate how much information on the internet? According to Andy Greenhaw, who is digital strategist, 1.2 zettabytes(1.3 trillion gigabytes) of the information are now existed in cyberspace. Because of these much information, we can easily approach to them and get information. However, can we say that it is just good? As growing amount of information, many problems are also emerged. There are many problems about leakage, steal and illegal use of other's name. Among many problems, leakage of resident registration number is serious. These days there is a debate about collecting resident registration number. Resident registration number is very important and private information. However, this secret information wanders on the internet and open to other people. To prevent more serious problem, resident registration number should not be collected on the internet.

Resident registration number originally made for prevention of espionage in 1970s. Give the number to south Korea people, and find that people have the number. If there are people who don't have the number, they are pointed out for spy. The problem is that, resident registration number is remain unchanged forever. Because of it, the number becomes have function of distinguish and many companies and government require resident registration number for offering service and condition of deal. As this processes are going on, many companies store resident registration numbers, as they store them, they flow out them. Therefore many people can know and have others numbers.

When we sign in some internet sites, we need several private information such as name, birthday, e-mail address and so on. All of information are sensitive, however, among them resident registration number is may be the most sensitive information because it contains so much information about us. Resident registration number contains our birth place, birth day, gender etc. Therefore many people are sensitive and want to protect their number. According to Trend Moniter, nine out of ten netizens agree with the government policy that colliecting resident registration number is banned. Also, eight out of ten netizens are give up to sign up to worry about leakage of resident registration number. However, these days, this important information of us is floating on the internet because of leakage of resident registration number. According to Privacy.or.kr, since 1991 to 2014, there are at least 620.5 million number of resident registration number leakage. Think about people who you don't know already know your number even don't know who you are. Also your number can be used anywhere by people who know your resident registration number. It can become very serious problem. There are already several leakages of the number. To prevent these problems, resident registration number should not be collected on the internet. Companies or people who require resident registration number usually say they need the number because they need to recognize and distinguish people. However, because of leakage of the number, resident registration number loses its value. Because of leakage of the number, many people can know other people's numbers also there are some dealings to sell and buy others resident registration number. Therefore, we can use other people's number when we sign in some sites, credit card, even can use bad ways. Can we really say resident registration number has its value to recognize individuals? The number lose its value and reliability.
Also these leakages cause too many problems and make too many damages. As mentioned earlier, we can use other people's number for bad ways. Therefore someone can get damaged like pay money involuntarily or get tickets for illegal behaviors that we didn't do.
 
Many people say resident registration numbers are needed to recognize individuals, however, the numbers are not only thing to distinguish people. For examples, go to bank and make your own account right now. We don't need our resident registration number to make own account. Only things we need to write are name, birthday, address, job, telephone number, home number etc. Without resident registration number, and with these information, bank can recognize us. This is why foreign banks are well going on where there are no resident registration number and Korea bank can make accounts for foreigners. Moreover, there is the alternative of resident registration number. It is My-PIN. My-PIN is the number that consists of 13-digit number for unprescribed. People can get the number through the internet site or dong office. We can use the number when we are issued membership card, talk to ARS, or book lental etc.

We use resident registration number for long time so it is hard to adapt. It seems to be reasonable that collecting resident registration number is needed. According to C-NEWS, 11.7% of 2000 people are agree with collecting resident registration number on the internet. They says if collecting resident registration number is banned, it is hard to find lost ID and password also communities can be murky. However, we can find our id and password without resident registration number. We can find them through our e-mail and phone number. These days, most of pages use e-mail address and phone number to find id and password. Moreover, people say communities can be murky if resident registration number not be collected, however, it is not the problem with the resident registration number. It is the problem with consciousness of people. Of course, we can prevent double sign in and through identification, people have responsibilities. However, it is just part of problem. Consciousness is not changed if we collect resident registration number. Moreover there can be refutation about the alternative one My-Pin. It can the alternative of resident registration number. However, if it is leaked to others, it is not different to resident registration number. The more private information is accumulated in the my-pin, the more we use. Then it has same value with the resident registration number. My-Pin has also danger of leakage, therefore it has no difference with the number we originally used.

As a one person who live in information-oriented society, we get many benefits and convenience from a lot of information. However, as much as we get, there are following problems. Sure enough, leakages of our information are occur especially about resident registration number and cause many damages. These days there is a debate of collecting resident registration number on the internet. Resident registration number originally made for prevention of espionage in 1970s and its function gradually develop so these days it uses for recognize individuals. However, can resident registration number can really function well? Certainly not. Also resident registration number is not the only way to recognize individuals. Therefore resident registration number should not be collected on the internet.

                                                                          References

Greenhaw, Andy. How big is the Internet?
                 from https://andygreenhaw.wordpress.com/2010/08/02/how-big-is-the-internet/
Visual Dive.(2014.02). '주민등록번호, 돌아보는 46년 역사' 인포그래픽
                 from http://www.wikitree.co.kr/main/news_view.php?id=160720
Public I-PIN. My-PIN이란
                 from http://www.g-pin.go.kr/center/mypin/sub_01.gpin
Trend Monitor.(2004.04). 네티즌들은 회원 가입시 주민등록 번호 공개를 꺼려한다
                 from http://www.trendmonitor.co.kr/html/01_trend/01_korea_view.asp?idx=80
Inforight.(2014.03). 주민등록번호 유출 최소 6억 2천만건
                 from http://www.privacy.or.kr/archives/4891

 

Peer Review : 20310 문예지

Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
This essay deserves a five. It follows the classical argument and displays an interesting unique perspective on a highly specialized topic.


ThesisWhat is the thesis?

  The Social Network Service must not be controlled by any means even if it is the government.

Is the thesis clear and debatable?
Yes.

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
Same as her.

Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
yes.

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?
yes, i can concentrate the text. However, I think speed of development of introduction is a little bit fast.


Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
Yes, it gives the definition of SNS.

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
yes.

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
yes.

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?
yes. I think the main point is same with the thesis.
Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I agree with the thesis.

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I agree with the thesis.
If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
I did not change my mind.


Research
Is the author using research effectively?
Yes

Is the research from appropriate sources?
Yes

Are the sources obvious?
Yes

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
yes.

Peer review : 20309 김재홍

Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
This essay deserves a five. It follows the classical argument and displays an interesting unique perspective on a highly specialized topic.


ThesisWhat is the thesis?
 Although some people believe it is a matter of time, I believe that the human mind will always be much more superior to machines.

Is the thesis clear and debatable?
Yes.

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
Same as him.

Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
yes.

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?
When i read the introduction, i think it is very interesting and also i wonder what he wants to say.

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
Yes, it gives the information about machines and limited the types of machines.

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
yes.

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
yes.

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?
yes. I think the main point is this:  Although some people believe it is a matter of time, I believe that the human mind will always be much more superior to machines.


Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I agree with the thesis.

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I agree with the thesis.

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
I did not change my mind.


Research
Is the author using research effectively?
Yes

Is the research from appropriate sources?
Yes

Are the sources obvious?
Yes

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
yes.

2014년 11월 15일 토요일

Second Draft

We live on information-originated society. Can you make a rough estimate how much information on the internet? According to Andy Greenhaw, who is digital strategist, 1.2 zettabytes(1.3 trillion gigabytes) is now stored in cyberspace. Because of these much information, we can easily approach to them and get information. However, can we say that it is just good? As growing amount of information, many problems are also emerged. There are many problems about leakage, steal and illegal use of other's name. Among many problems, leakage of resident registration number is serious. These days there is a debate about collecting resident registration number. Resident registration number is very important and private information. However, this secret information wanders on the internet and open to other people. To prevent more serious problem, resident registration number should not be collected on the internet.

Resident registration number originally made for prevention of espionage in 1970s. Give the number to south Korea people, and find that people have the number. If there are people who don't have the number, they are pointed out for spy. The problem is that, resident registration number is remain unchanged forever. Because of it, the number becomes have function of distinguish and many companies and government require resident registration number for offering service and condition of deal. As this processes are going on, many companies store resident registration numbers, as they store them, they flow out them. Therefore many people can know and have others numbers.

When we sign in some internet sites, we need several private information such as name, birthday, e-mail address and so on. All of information are sensitive, however, among them resident registration number is may be the most sensitive information because it contains so much information about us. Resident registration number contains our birth place, birth day, gender etc. Therefore many people are sensitive and want to protect their number. However, these days, this important information of us is floating on the internet because of leakage of resident registration number. Think about people who you don't know already know your number even don't know who you are. Also your number can be used anywhere by people who know your resident registration number. It can become very serious problem. There are already several leakages of the number. To prevent these problems, resident registration number should not be collected on the internet. Companies or people who require resident registration number usually say they need the number because they need to recognize and distinguish people. However, because of leakage of the number, resident registration number loses its value. Because of leakage of the number, many people can know other people's numbers also there are some dealings to sell and buy others resident registration number. Therefore, we can use other people's number when we sign in some sites, credit card, even can use bad ways. Can we really say resident registration number has its value to recognize individuals? The number lose its value and reliability.
Also these leakages cause too many problems and make too many damages. As mentioned earlier, we can use other people's number for bad ways. Therefore someone can get damaged like pay money involuntarily or get tickets for illegal behaviors that we didn't do.
Many people say resident registration numbers are needed to recognize individuals, however, the numbers are not only thing to distinguish people. For examples, go to bank and make your own account right now. We don't need our resident registration number to make own account. Only things we need to write are name, birthday, address, job, telephone number, home number etc. Without resident registration number, and with these information, bank can recognize us. This is why foreign banks are well going on where there are no resident registration number and Korea bank can make accounts for foreigners. Moreover, there is the alternative of resident registration number. It is My-PIN. My-PIN is the number that consists of 13-digit number for unprescribed. People can get the number through the internet site or dong office. We can use the number when we are issued membership card, talk to ARS, or book lental etc.

We use resident registration number for long time so it is hard to adapt. It seems to be reasonable that collecting resident registration number is needed. According to C-NEWS, 11.7% of 2000 people are agree with collecting resident registration number on the internet. They says if collecting resident registration number is banned, it is hard to find lost ID and password also communities can be murky. However, we can find our id and password without resident registration number. We can find them through our e-mail and phone number. These days, most of pages use e-mail address and phone number to find id and password. Moreover, people say communities can be murky if resident registration number not be collected, however, it is not the problem with the resident registration number. It is the problem with consciousness of people. Of course, we can prevent double sign in and through identification, people have responsibilities. However, it is just part of problem. Consciousness is not changed if we collect resident registration number. Moreover there can be refutation about the alternative one My-Pin. It can the alternative of resident registration number. However, if it is leaked to others, it is not different to resident registration number. The more private information is accumulated in the my-pin, the more we use. Then it has same value with the resident registration number. My-Pin has also danger of leakage, therefore it has no difference with the number we originally used.

As a one person who live in information-oriented society, we get many benefits and convenience from a lot of information. However, as much as we get, there are following problems. Sure enough, leakages of our information are occur especially about resident registration number and cause many damages. These days there is a debate of collecting resident registration number on the internet. Resident registration number originally made for prevention of espionage in 1970s and its function gradually develop so these days it uses for recognize individuals. However, can resident registration number can really function well? Certainly not. Also resident registration number is not the only way to recognize individuals. Therefore resident registration number should not be collected on the internet.

Self Evaluation

1) What score do you think you deserve? Here is the rubric:
2 points - The first draft is thoughtful and a good start to an effective persuasive essay. It demonstrates an understanding of the classical argument.
1 point - The student completes a first draft that demonstrates an understanding of the classical argument
0 points - The first draft is inadequate
- I think i should get 1 point.
2) What did you do well?
I think my narration was enough to explain about resident registration number. 
.
3) What could you have done better?
At first I think my introduction enough to attract people and explain what i will talk about. However, when i read again, i found that discovery of contents are so fast. I think i can write better introduction if i modify introduction.


I think the narration was the best classical argument that i used. I explain the history of the resident register number in narration. I think it acts good 






4) Which part of the classical argument did you use the best?




5) Which part of the classical argument did you use the most poorly?
I think confirmation and refutation need to support more.

6) What's your strategy to make your second draft better?
iI think i need to support confirmation and refutation. 

2014년 10월 26일 일요일

My First Draft

We live on information-originated society. Can you make a rough estimate how much information on the internet? According to Andy Greenhaw, who is digital strategist, 1.2 zettabytes(1.3 trillion gigabytes) is now stored in cyberspace. Because of these much information, we can easily approach to them and get information. However, can we say that it is just good? As growing amount of information, many problems are also emerged. Among many problems, leakage of resident registration number is serious. These days there is a debate about collecting resident registration number. Resident registration number is very important and private information. However, this secret information wanders on the internet and open to other people. To prevent more serious problem, resident registration number should not be collected on the internet.

Resident registration number originally made for prevention of espionage in 1970s. Give the number to south Korea people, and find that people have the number. If there are people who don't have the number, they are pointed out for spy. The problem is that, resident registration number is remain unchanged forever. Because of it, the number becomes have function of distinguish and many companies and government require resident registration number for offering service and condition of deal. As this processes are going on, many companies store resident registration numbers, as they store them, they flow out them. Therefore many people can know and have others numbers.

When we sign in some internet sites, we need several private information such as name, birthday, e-mail address and so on. All of information are sensitive, however, among them resident registration number is may be the most sensitive information because it contains so much information about us. Resident registration number contains our birth place, birth day, gender etc. Therefore many people are sensitive and want to protect their number. However, these days, this important information of us is floating on the internet because of leakage of resident registration number. Think about people who you don't know already know your number even don't know who you are. Also your number can be used anywhere by people who know your resident registration number. It can become very serious problem. There are already several leakages of the number. To prevent these problems, resident registration number should not be collected on the internet. Companies or people who require resident registration number usually say they need the number because they need to recognize and distinguish people. However, because of leakage of the number, resident registration number loses its value. Because of leakage of the number, many people can know other people's numbers also there are some dealings to sell and buy others resident registration number. Therefore, we can use other people's number when we sign in some sites, credit card, even can use bad ways. Can we really say resident registration number has its value to recognize individuals? The number lose its value and reliability.
Also these leakages cause too many problems and make too many damages. As mentioned earlier, we can use other people's number for bad ways. Therefore someone can get damaged like pay money involuntarily or get tickets for illegal behaviors that we didn't do.
Many people say resident registration numbers are needed to recognize individuals, however, the numbers are not only thing to distinguish people. For examples, go to bank and make your own account right now. We don't need our resident registration number to make own account. Only things we need to write are name, birthday, address, job, telephone number, home number etc. Without resident registration number, and with these information, bank can recognize us. This is why foreign banks are well going on where there are no resident registration number and Korea bank can make accounts for foreigners. Moreover, there is the alternative of resident registration number. It is My-PIN. My-PIN is the number that consists of 13-digit number for unprescribed. People can get the number through the internet site or dong office. We can us the number when we are issued membership card, talk to ARS, or book lental etc.

We use resident registration number for long time so it is hard to adapt. It seems to be reasonable that collecting resident registration number is needed. According to C-NEWS, 11.7% of 2000 people are agree with collecting resident registration number on the internet. They says if collecting resident registration number is banned, it is hard to find lost ID and password also communities can be murky. However, we can find our id and password without resident registration number. We can find them through our e-mail and phone number. These days, most of pages use e-mail address and phone number to find id and password. Moreover, people say communities can be murky if resident registration number not be collected, however, it is not the problem with the resident registration number. It is the problem with consciousness of people. Of course, we can prevent double sign in and through identification, people have responsibilities. However, it is just part of problem. Consciousness is not changed if we collect resident registration number.

As a one person who live in information-oriented society, we get many benefits and convenience from a lot of information. However, as much as we get, there are following problems. Sure enough, leakages of our information are occur especially about resident registration number and cause many damages. These days there is a debate of collecting resident registration number on the internet. Resident registration number originally made for prevention of espionage in 1970s and its function gradually develop so these days it uses for recognize individuals. However, can resident registration number can really function well? Certainly not. Also resident registration number is not the only way to recognize individuals. Therefore resident registration number should not be collected on the internet.
  

Conclusion


My conclusion 1

In conclusion, collecting resident registration number should not be collected on the internet. By collecting the numbers, there are too many damages. Also these days resident registration number lose its value because of leakage of the number. Moreover resident registration number is not the only way to recognize and distinguish people. There are many other ways and there is also the alternative number of resident registration number. Therefore resident registration number should not be collected on the internet.


My conclusion 2

As a one person who live in information-oriented society, we get many benefits and convenience from a lot of information. However, as much as we get, there are following problems. Sure enough, leakages of our information are occur especially about resident registration number and cause many damages. These days there is a debate of collecting resident registration number on the internet. Resident registration number originally made for prevention of espionage in 1970s and its function gradually develop so these days it uses for recognize individuals. However, can resident registration number can really function well? Certainly not. Also resident registration number is not the only way to recognize individuals. Therefore resident registration number should not be collected on the internet.